J. Bruce Hillenberg
J. Bruce Hillenberg, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist. He is 74 years-old and semi-retired. He joined the Congregation for Humanistic Judaism in 2020. Bruce’s interests include gardening, writing poems, spending time with his family and friends, making new friends, reading, cooking, and practicing Mussar. He has a keen interest in aging wisely.
Scarlett Rodnick-Ingber
Scarlett Rodnick-Ingber (legally Scarlett Kornacki, pen name Scarlett May) is 13-years old. She is an aspiring writer, melophile and competitive tennis player. She has received merit scholarships and awards for creative writing. She hopes to one day live in a large city as an author surrounded by creative people who inspire her. She is a member of the Congregation for Humanistic Judaism along with her parents Jessica and Aaron Ingber.
BRIEF HISTORY OF MUSSAR
Until the 1980s, Mussar was not-well-known within Judaism. Over the ages, Mussar was an antidote to the discrepancy between religious study and human behavior; the outcome expected was intra-and interpersonal psychological change that would benefit oneself and others. The principles have been theistic in nature (“perfect the holiness, through a relationship with God, of one’s soul traits”) and available for individual consumption by reading. Then, in the 1800’s in Lithuania, Rabbi Israel Salanter, developed an educational model for his students: facilitating insight and behavior change through shared dialogue and practice. This trajectory halted after the Holocaust.
Alan Morinis, Greg Marcus, Rabbi Ira Stone and Dr. Beulah Trey were pivotal in bringing renewed life to Mussar practice in the 1980s. To them, improving character traits is an essential component of Judaism. Their road map to renewal of this practice was helped by numerous mensch-like traits (middot) being written about in Jewish literature over the past 1100 years. These leaders have spurred the reawakening of Mussar study in the modern era. Their online classes and books facilitate education and practice worldwide. (Their books offer extensive history on the development of Mussar.) While the number of practitioners of Mussar in the Jewish community is small, the vision of Mussar practice is to expand this.
Mussar practice emphasizes maintaining a daily intention of awareness and observation of personal traits in action. And practice enhances flexibility in the expression of these traits. The sweet spot in the middle on the continuum of each trait is the target—avoiding extremes (Morinis, 2007).
Each person committed to Mussar practice develops a personal curriculum for enhancing unique traits to strengthen their mindfulness, resilience, and interpersonal ethics. The curriculum varies across individuals; an equal commitment improves the world.
HUMANISTIC MUSSAR
Mussar has traditionally been practiced by believers in a higher power; this relationship (of holiness) is a driving force behind commitment to Mussar study and practice.
Why has Mussar study and practice not be adopted previously by Humanistic Jews? Has the intellectual and social activism of our movement overshadowed the more difficult aspects of sharing the personal journey and vulnerability of Mussar?
Humanistic Jews should engage in this practice, using their rational beliefs and values, to develop a coherent rationale for shared practice among members. Mussar study should be introduced in a developmentally appropriate way in Sunday school programs and for adult learners.
A humanistic version of Mussar helps us make a life-long commitment to strengthen the flexibility of positive character traits. We will avoid the discrepancy between values, study and daily behavior. We and those we interact with will benefit.
Rabbi Sherwin Wine (1988) highlighted the importance of Humanistic virtues and behavior for Judaism. He referenced our capacity for self-knowing, and behavior change when he pointed to the importance of “Where is my light? My light is in me.” This is a clarion call highlighting personal responsibility for existential and behavioral choices—choosing how we behave. Without labeling it, he advocated for the discipline demanded by a Humanistic version of Mussar practice. He stated:
“A humanistic Jew is always in training. He strives to be more rationale, more autonomous and more sensibly Jewish than he presently is. He does not expect to change by some miraculous intervention. He knows that his character will ultimately depend on his own sincerity and determination. There is so much to be studied. There is so much to be done. There are so many skills of character to be practiced” (p. 35).
WHERE WE BEGIN
Humility is the core character trait in Mussar. All other traits extend from a humble engagement with the world. Humility promotes honest self-reflection and a commitment to behave decently.
Psychologist Daryl Tongeren, PhD, defines humility as being the “right size” in each situation to maximize ethical and humanistic outcomes. He said researchers have found consensus around three features of humility: a) an accurate self-assessment, b) the ability to regulate one’s ego, and c) an orientation towards other people (Tongeren, 2022).
Modern science has revealed that true authentic humility is a secure openness to the world, where we can be honest with ourselves and others about our strengths and limitations, seeking to learn new perspectives and caring deeply about those around us (p. 2).
Humble people know what they are good at and what areas could benefit from growth and improvement. Whereas arrogant people know their strengths too well (to the detriment of acknowledging any weaknesses), and those who are self-defeating (ignoring their obvious strengths), humble people own their strengths (p. 11).
We express our humility by avoiding the extremes of arrogance and timidity. We listen when we need to learn and understand, we assert ourselves when we stand for what is right, and we admit what we do not know. We are empathic and honor others by giving them equal space, and listening before we speak. Finally, we seek feedback on our character, and share the journey.
Humility helps strengthen relationships, enhance work, and improve society. It is powerful and transformative and wildly countercultural. And it might be exactly what we need.
HUMILITY INCUBATOR
As we begin our journey through Mussar practice, let us not forget the important words of Robert Fulghum. He highlighted—without labeling it—that kindergarten is our first Mussar experience.
“Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain but there in the sandbox at nursery school.
These are the things I learned: Share everything. Play fair. Don’t hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your mess. Don’t take things that aren’t yours. Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk and good for you. Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and plan and work every day some. Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out into the world, watch for traffic. Hold hands and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup. The roots go down and the plant goes up and not really knows how or why but we all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup—they all die. So do we. And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK. Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and sane living. Think of what a better world it would be if we all—the whole world—had cookies and milk about 3 o’clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and cleaned up our messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.”
-(Fulghum, 2003, p. 3).
OUR OPPORTUNITY
We can join hands, study Mussar together, behave decently, clean up our messes, never take ourselves too seriously and improve the world one behavior at a time. The light shines in me.
Check your level of humility. Do you already think you perfectively follow all the Mussar traits and virtues? Do you think you have nothing to learn? Are you on target in the middle range? Do you need to dial down your pride? Do you need to be right? Do you need to listen more? Can you learn from others? Can you admit to issues you struggle with? Can you be transparent? Do you need to learn to identify strengths and stand up for yourself more? Are you on target in the middle range?
These are some of the questions that can be explored in the study and practice of Humanistic Mussar. Our potential for good, in the absence of a God in Heaven, is reason enough to make a commitment. There is no one up above encouraging us to make the commitment; it must be ours.
FUTURE COLLABORATION
I listened intently, a few months ago, to the written speech of Scarlett May during her bat mitzvah at the Congregation for Humanistic Judaism. She described her journey to embrace her experience and beliefs as a Humanistic Jew. My response was emotional. Her choice of words was incredible; the message was so well formed. I realized she can offer a voice to our members on the importance of Mussar practice for personal development—from childhood to adulthood.
Scarlett’s strategic plan is to become a writer. I am older fella trying to perfect my own writing (after years of not paying attention in English class). The collaboration was clear. I asked Scarlett and her parents if she was interested in helping me writing future posts on the Society for Humanistic Judaism website on Mussar study and practice. The answer was YES! I am thrilled. Going forward, look for a post each month from Scarlett and I on a specific Mussar trait. We look forward to stirring up conversation, and translation of Mussar into congregation and community committed action.
REFERENCES
Fulghum, R. (2003). All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: Uncommon Thoughts on Common Things, 25th Anniversary Edition, Ballantine Books, New York.
Morinis, A. (2007). The Jewish Spiritual Path of Mussar: Everyday Holiness. Trumpeter: Boulder,
Colorado.
Tongeren, D. V. (2022). Humble: Free Yourself from the Traps of a Narcissistic World. The Experiment Books: New York.
Wine, S. (1988). Celebration: A Ceremonial and Philosophic Guide for Humanists and Humanistic Jews. Prometheus Books, New York.
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